the world and writing of gretchen

gretchen is a writer based in new york city. you'll find her someplace writing.

Author: gretchen (page 1 of 217)

back up

Namaste darlings

After a few day hiatus where I filed down jagged life pieces, chopped up smooth ones and found ways to click and jab them all back together again…

Here I am. I apologize to anyone I frightened and appreciate the love that poured in with phrases like, “Oh my God! Did your site crash?” “Darling, are you ok?” And “I love reading your blog, I hope you’re alright.”

It was the first time in 54 months that I took down my web playground. There are a few reasons around it, nothing I feel like getting into right now.

In other news, the lovers are still nesting in my Hell’s Kitchen abode. I’ve been going on stacks of interviews. This Tuesday, I actually have four in one day. All at the same place. I’m pretty sure if my shine is bright enough, it’s my official train ticket back into town.

Nesting on a farm for five minutes had its moments, but obviously – New York City is the only place for me, when it comes to the U.S. If I want to find somewhere far away and quiet, I’ll go back to northern Australia.

There’s a life Manhattan makes for me that I couldn’t see clearly over the past 36 months for a few reasons. I went from one garbage relationship straight into another one, I dealt with two of my best friends committing suicide and then there’s the ugly “that happened” incident I’m not allowed to talk about.

I’ve come out stronger. I knew I was strong before, and I knew I was independent. But it wasn’t until the most recent upside down flipping of my world that both of these things carried me long enough to gain my true appreciation.

Oh, and the book… the book

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viewing inter

IMG_8664I had a legitimate conversation with someone about work today. Not a “hide from life” situation… a legitimate job.

Earlier today, I was on the phone with my best friend of 32 years. We both agreed, ever since I got back to this country three and a half years ago… I haven’t been me. We even went a step further to say, whoever I might be was consumed by a stranger I married 12 years ago. Continue reading

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horse getting

Alright blog tribe. I’m hopping back on my horse…

I’ve mentioned a bit about last April here and there, and put shortly – it sent my life reeling. It’s resulted where I am right now, tucked snugly in Connecticut and figuring out what’s next.

There’s a pair of lovers in my apartment in Manhattan. They’re staying there while I decide where I’ll end up next. The farm didn’t really go as planned. I got some writing done, I learned about myself.

I was whinging about offices a few weeks ago. Truth be told, offices actually don’t bother me that much. As a Writer, I’m used to being in front of a glowing screen. It’s not my favorite thing in the world – no one’s life is perfect.

IMG_8702What I can’t deal with, is inefficiency. Somehow, in all of these years of running around and writing for people, I’ve morphed into a legitimate Professional.

Scary…

I’m lucky to get paid to do what I love. When my last job concluded, I was super heated. I liked that job. I like being an enigma. I can sit and write poetry all day, or short stories about whatever’s on my mind. I’ve got a juicy novel in the mix. But on the other hand, I’ve somehow developed a knack at interpreting extremely complicated financial statements and turning them into words that people can actually understand.

Earth doesn’t really like originality. Earth likes stereotypes, categorizing humans into small boxes. I’m pretty sure I kicked the walls to my box down a long time ago. I’ve gotten my ass whooped along with the rest of us, and I’ve always prided myself on getting back up.

It’s a little frightening to process that something could happen to me that was so awful, worse than my divorce even, that I nearly didn’t want to get back up.

Nearly.

Love to each of you checking in. I see you here in our small corner of web-ville. And whether you realize it or not, it’s what’s finally brushed off my knees. I don’t want to bitch anymore.

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still here

Namaste blog tribe

I’m still here… Last week was interesting in many ways. FollowMeToNYC was nearly unpublished.

So much has happened since I started this “project”. As days go by, the idea of being a bit off the scene becomes more appealing.

Naturally my work will be findable someplace, just perhaps not here. Since I did DSCN5146everything I said I planned to when I started this site… each day I’m more compelled to move in a new direction.

Last week would have been my 12 year wedding anniversary. Considering I started this page trying to get my husband to notice me, once I realized we were really going to get a divorce and something so sacred to me at one stage was nothing more but bad fiction – there are sentiments attached to these pages I don’t care to partake in very much.

I have a few ideas for projects, when I decide where I’ll be, I’ll make sure to let it be known.

In the mean time, I’m going to stay invisible. It’s been an incredible just-over-five years. Speak to you all soon, and see you on the flip. I’m focussing on changing everything, again. It absorbs all of my energy.

Love to you, yours and ours. Those looking know how to find me.

x o x

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insomnia

I can’t sleep. I’ve known people who have suffered the ailment of insomnia, but I’ve never really had to deal with IMG_8401it in the regard I’ve been up against for the past few weeks.

Basically, I crash face down around 7pm out of the consistent exhaustion that comes with the condition – and then I have the joy of lying in bed with my eyes wide open, usually from around midnight to three am. Three is when I tend to give up, and then I stumble out of the bedroom to begin the entire process again.

It’s perplexing to me. I’ve dealt with depression, anxiety… all the fun things that come with being a human in the vast land of Earth. But in the past, I’ve slept through it all.

I think I’m just sick of winter. Here on the farm, I’m nestled deep in the mountains. I realize it’s cliche to complain about the weather… but February in New England is a real bitch. Since coming back from Australia over three years ago now, I was in Manhattan. And while it’s a mere two hours south of where I’m at now, the difference in temperature is extraordinary.

I’m jealous of people who can deal with cold. I need grass under my feet and sun on my face, 200 layers of clothing just to get the mail doesn’t suit me.

Similar to sleep, spring can’t find me fast enough.

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