So, I started this webpage as a wife of nine years and have spun more boys through the past five than I can count. It’s usually terribly boring, and, until recently – I didn’t take any of it to heart, really.
However, there have been one or two times when a man in my life finds out about FollowMeToNYC. This is fine and everything, but not after we stop talking.
If I know someone personally, and we stop talking, and the person continues to come around here to see what’s popping – I classify them as a creep.
This leads to my latest luthier dilemma. While I still love him with all of my heart, if fate says we can’t talk – he can’t just keep coming around here to watch me suffer.
Non è giusto.
I decided to block his IP address from accessing my site. Phone numbers have been deleted. I’m whinging less to my soul circle.
There’s a place I endeavor to reach when I meditate. It’s a disconnection from everything to reconnect with it all. I understand there’s a particular abstraction to this idea, I think it influences a lot of my poetry. Anyways, after a month of stumbling, I have been able to slightly center myself in solitude over the past couple days. And it helps.
What doesn’t help, is having my heart crushed by someone who wants to silently observe this from half an hour away. That I had to put a stop to.
Writing and meditating save me yet again. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same as I was before him, I still haven’t figured out if I think that’s a good or bad thing.
My second ex-husband brought me over cigars and heartbreaker beans from my favorite coffee house to help cheer me up. It worked a little bit. I’m trying to focus more on the people around who love me – instead of the one who used to be around and clearly did not.