Dear Sir Richard Charles Nicholas Branson
My name is Gretchen Cello and you may have seen me hitting you off on Twitter over the past few days. I am writing because I need some aircraft assistance and thought, who better to ask than a ruler of the sky such as yourself.
So here’s the thing, according to laws of us common-folk, the only way I can get my two puppies from Australia to New York City is to check them as luggage. This involves putting them in two separate crates and stashing them away in the icy darkness of baggage land for a twenty-some odd hour flight… I think you could do something about this.
Now I’m sure you’re wondering, “Why would I?”
Top Ten Reasons Why Richard Branson Should Help Me
Not Have To Check The Puppies Like Baggage
9. You appreciate entrepreneurial spirit… this is my 687th consecutive blog post with no sign of stopping. Writers, after all, are supposed to write… Right?
8. I’m cute and I know you fancy cute girls because I’ve seen your flight attendants.
7. I’ll pay you in signed poetry books that will one day be worth more than your aviation empire.
6. I had a pre-paid Virgin mobile once.
5. It’s not like I’m asking for a free ride to space or anything.
3. I work for an international organisation and promise to befriend every Executive Assistant I come across and lure them into exclusively booking Virgin flights for the rest of my years.
2. The puppies would REALLY appreciate it.
1. I love you.
There. I really hope I’ve managed to at least convince you to think it over. In the name of starving Artists across the globe and the FollowMeToNYC cult (and the puppies), thank you deeply for your time and consideration.
Love and Light
ps. Did I mention they’re English Stafforshire Terriers?