Namaste blog family

IMG_8220Happy Sunday – or Easter, Passover or other reasons to celebrate. Every day really should be celebrated… I try to remember that.

Easter is another day that reminds me of my ex-husband waking me up and making hot crossed buns from scratch, in Australia. Today, I’m going out for Chinese food with my parents and one my sisters – I wouldn’t have it any other day.

In about 48-hours, my unexpected hiatus of unemployed, gypsy wanders concludes. I’ve learned a lot in the past five months. More than I’ve come to realize in the past three and a half years since I got back here.

The most relevant thing I’ve learned, is the utter requirement to leave my ex-husband in the past. And while this guts me in ways words can’t describe, I’ve started to mediate on forgetting him, opposed to reaching an understanding.

Everything I achieved, until I lost it, was never appreciated. Having my own place in Manhattan, swinging existence doing what I truly love to do and recognizing how HARD I worked to get where I am all blew out the window with the wrath of an ex’s breath.

Therapy taught me that I torture myself when someone I love hurts me. Which, fortunately doesn’t happen often. Because while I harbor an unconditional, ¬†universal love that I consciously spread daily – when it comes to human closeness, I tend to prefer the company of the puppies.

This isn’t even because I have a general issue with “people”, it’s because I know what happens when I get hurt. At least now I do. I naively lived a number of years thinking I’d never be hurt again.

Little did I know.

The gaps of silence over the past months have involved pondering all of this; growing in to my skin; and retreating back to who I was before a kid from Australia ripped out my beating heart, shoved it down my otherwise IMG_8213vegetarian throat and left me to choke on it for years.

So now, years later, I’m finished choking. The Universe has won back my soul, and I see him for what he is. Which, finally I understand – is nothing at all.

I’m leaving all of this in the windy trail I wandered these past few weeks while finding my way back home. And I found it. New York City… thank you for saving me once again.