It’s just after noon in a small Thai joint somewhere in the east 30’s on the corner of Madison.
I enter the establishment wearing a t-shirt with a typewriter on it appropriately labeled “writer” in courier print; a tipped Kangol hat; and a pair of men’s carpenter pants, cut to fall halfway down my muscular calves. It’s hot outside.
The “shorts” once belonged to my second husband, and someone before that because they were second-hand like everything else about him. The t-shirt was a birthday present from the first. Divorce is impossible, I’ve learned. It never goes away.
The restaurant is empty and both of the gorgeous Thai serves, one male, one female – both 20 something – are over the moon to see me.
“You’re open right?” I ask knowing that they obviously are but grabbing the chance to flirt with the pair of them.
“Yes, yes!” they say smiling and speaking at the same time.
“Which table? Any table you like.”
I take off my hat and grab a bench seat toward the front where natural light is still flooding in, prior to when the sun tips too far west and afternoon shadows cast. But before I actually land in the seat I say, “Thai beer?”
“Yes, please.” (more…)
Now that I’m finished sooking for five or ten minutes, there are many other more interesting and entertaining things that have occurred in between.
For example, I field-tripped to Brooklyn a few days ago. There was live music and an eventual dance party in my living room. The evening concluded with nachos on the sidewalk around 1am.
Oh and laughter. There was a lot of joy and laughter that day.
Also, I recently roamed the Bowery in the summer rain; sipped a pomegranate martini in a dimly lit Russian vodka lounge; gazed into paintings at MoMA until my eyes rolled out of my head and onto each canvas; and woke up the next day with a pair of boots on my carpet that do not belong to me.
Big picture speaking, I know I seriously have nothing to complain about. (more…)
alone. at night. i have these feelings that
he might inhale how i am. waiting for
him. what i felt in a midnight way. what
seems to be happening. assuming sure.
unannounced uncertainties pushing me
closer into what… i attempt. resist.
sad looking… fools… they… try… to disguise. to
put labels on how we whisper. hush… we
say nothing. staring until it is through.
scattering. elements of me. across
day after. day arriving. faster. then
my roots absorbed. this. familiar way. too…
break rules. like you could never. count.
shoulders cracking. pace. exchange. rest. share.
rebalancing what was always lost in-
typical me deceptively dreaming of a real kind of love
Namaste blog tribe
I still feel shit. The worst part about the crash-like low times is the literal sitting around and waiting for it to pass.
It has to pass.
One of my best friends killed himself in April. I never mentioned it in these parts because I wasn’t ready, I’m probably still not. But considering that two of my best friends have now killed themselves over depression, in the past 20 months, I can’t help but think of them both when I get this low. (more…)
combine coming back
he taught me how to keep secrets. again
i stopped talking. universe listening.
wearing a straight spine. knowing when to bend.
dreams returned. celestial glistening.
my frail wrists twisted. toward the horizon
with every touch already inside me
i chanted his breath and swore. we were. one.
exotic desire. arabian sea. (more…)