Now that I’m finished sooking for five or ten minutes, there are many other more interesting and entertaining things that have occurred in between.
For example, I field-tripped to Brooklyn a few days ago. There was live music and an eventual dance party in my living room. The evening concluded with nachos on the sidewalk around 1am.
Oh and laughter. There was a lot of joy and laughter that day.
Also, I recently roamed the Bowery in the summer rain; sipped a pomegranate martini in a dimly lit Russian vodka lounge; gazed into paintings at MoMA until my eyes rolled out of my head and onto each canvas; and woke up the next day with a pair of boots on my carpet that do not belong to me.
Big picture speaking, I know I seriously have nothing to complain about. (more…)
alone. at night. i have these feelings that
he might inhale how i am. waiting for
him. what i felt in a midnight way. what
seems to be happening. assuming sure.
unannounced uncertainties pushing me
closer into what… i attempt. resist.
sad looking… fools… they… try… to disguise. to
put labels on how we whisper. hush… we
say nothing. staring until it is through.
scattering. elements of me. across
day after. day arriving. faster. then
my roots absorbed. this. familiar way. too…
break rules. like you could never. count.
shoulders cracking. pace. exchange. rest. share.
rebalancing what was always lost in-
typical me deceptively dreaming of a real kind of love
Namaste blog tribe
I still feel shit. The worst part about the crash-like low times is the literal sitting around and waiting for it to pass.
It has to pass.
One of my best friends killed himself in April. I never mentioned it in these parts because I wasn’t ready, I’m probably still not. But considering that two of my best friends have now killed themselves over depression, in the past 20 months, I can’t help but think of them both when I get this low. (more…)
combine coming back
he taught me how to keep secrets. again
i stopped talking. universe listening.
wearing a straight spine. knowing when to bend.
dreams returned. celestial glistening.
my frail wrists twisted. toward the horizon
with every touch already inside me
i chanted his breath and swore. we were. one.
exotic desire. arabian sea. (more…)
My phone is off. I’m envisioning a turn-on date of Monday, maybe Tuesday. I really want to get on an airplane and gun it back to Australia, but I know that’s not going down for a few years.
Besides, I came here to publish a book. I’ve done everything else I said I would, that’s still lingering.
I’ve felt tremendously sad over the past few days. It’s a dull saddness sunk in the pit of my stomach. Comes and goes, goes and comes.
One in ten Americans pops anti-depressants. It’s also estimated that 70% of this country is popping something. That’s something I’ll never do. I think being sad is a natural emotion to endure. Earth is really, and I mean really, a trecherous land. Humans are unevolved and life really sticks it you sometimes. (more…)