Another birthday is upon us blog family! I’m hiding in the country with my folks – writing stories, laying low. Thinking about this southern gentleman that doesn’t seem to leave my thoughts.
I’ve had the most wonderful day. I’ve been lying in the grass, writing poems, interacting with tribal members worldwide.
I must say, out of all the countries and continents that I was blessed to receive birthday love from… nothing beats the call from one of my favorite Aussie family members/soulmates which concluded with, “HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!”
My smile stretched and heart ached.
Today, I spent my birthday with my parents and learned a new story. When my parents told my father’s father, Papa, that they named me Gretchen – he was very excited.
“I always wanted to name one of my children Gretchen, my wife wouldn’t let me.”
Before I left Australia, on my way back to New York City, my Papa delivered messages through other mediums. I loved hearing from him again today. Regardless of being born during his life, he passed away before I ever physically reached him. Every trace of connection between the two of us is sacred.
I am so elated to be in the country. The stars pop brighter, the moon is bigger, the world gets quieter – thoughts become more clear.
I’m going to spend the next few days lying in the sun, spinning words. Year 36, here I come.
It occured to me this morning that last Monday, which was Labor Day here in the States, was my three year anniversary of being back.
In the past three years, aside from all the junky things that occurred in the midst of a nervous breakdown that my ex-husband packaged up for me on the way out the door; some of my most favorite things also happened.
I landed a perfect job as Writer Extraordinare; I managed to swing my own one bedroom in Hell’s Kitchen with two furry creatures; I’m halfway through “the” novel which will be the strongest I’ve done to date; and I have written some of the best poetry I’ve done, which will have it’s own “lost words” special edition coming after Novel is complete. Oh, and also, someone appeared in my life a few weeks ago, seemingly the most legit spirit I’ve seen.
It’s been a hell of a three years. (more…)
the way that we (started)
the first night. he was in my bed. i blinked –
a 3am stir. my discovery
painted my immunity in fresh ink.
snapped look connection. our recovery.
a cool tail of summer brushing our skin,
swimming in oceans, playing in gardens –
uncertainty perishes. now. begins.
what falseness presents, fate always pardons.
rolling shoulders as a way to lighten
up. my focus rose and set. on master
manifestation. the way he heightens
my world, time stops. eradicate faster.
i awoke next to someone. blue eyed dream.
return to realize. unravel seams.
So… I just had the best weekend of my life. Hands down. I danced to this in my living room when I got out of bed before. I haven’t even had coffee yet.
I’m going to a new kung fu school tonight. The only Sifu I have trained under was in Australia – and he will always remain my true teacher. I never understood the impact that my three years of training in shaolin kung fu had until it ceased. And by that time, I was so far off the deep end, I kind of wasn’t aware of anything.
It has taken time and grace for me to return to training. There is an addictive discipline attached to it, to me. So I didn’t really want to get involved unless I was ready to commit. Finally, after three years and a lot of bullshit, I reckon I’m ready.
I never pegged myself as someone that would be passionate about a “martial art”. And ironically, the only reason I agreed to study shaolin kung fu was a sad attempt to make my first husband notice me. Naturally, he didn’t. But ironically, I found a system my body seemed to be made to for. (more…)
this. six foot, something, southern skateboarder
showed up. again after i say… forfeit.
initial resist. fuzz and disorder.
he owned this gift; eradicate torment.
forte pulse. piano words. i unfolded
around him. environment of one. choice.
we closed the door. and both… repaired broken,
he spread me out to discover my voice;
we filled each other’s world, then, disappeared.
i stretched beside an open window i
filled my lungs with city; swearing him near.
late night calls. sideways looks. 4am cries.
a new life texture. to sway and reside.
devouring time until he’s inside.