It’s just after noon in a small Thai joint somewhere in the east 30’s on the corner of Madison.
I enter the establishment wearing a t-shirt with a typewriter on it appropriately labeled “writer” in courier print; a tipped Kangol hat; and a pair of men’s carpenter pants, cut to fall halfway down my muscular calves. It’s hot outside.
The “shorts” once belonged to my second husband, and someone before that because they were second-hand like everything else about him. The t-shirt was a birthday present from the first. Divorce is impossible, I’ve learned. It never goes away.
The restaurant is empty and both of the gorgeous Thai serves, one male, one female – both 20 something – are over the moon to see me.
“You’re open right?” I ask knowing that they obviously are but grabbing the chance to flirt with the pair of them.
“Yes, yes!” they say smiling and speaking at the same time.
“Which table? Any table you like.”
I take off my hat and grab a bench seat toward the front where natural light is still flooding in, prior to when the sun tips too far west and afternoon shadows cast. But before I actually land in the seat I say, “Thai beer?”
“Yes, please.” (more…)
It was the magic tricks that might have won me over.
You have to work and so I meet him at Bethesda fountain. You’ve only known me a month and aren’t sure why I keep going out with strangers that I meet on Craigslist.
You don’t understand, I should never be left alone for too long. It’s why I live in midtown.
He’s paranoid from the start, so I know he’s cheating on someone already.
“No, sorry, no phone numbers. Yeah, my picture. Sorry. It’s edited. You understand. I can’t show my face, my hair’s shorter now.”
I send two snapshots. One face. One body. He says I’m “pretty” and have a “nice butt”.
I roll my eyes, then breathlessly laugh. I immediately tell you what’s happening. “Wish me luck!”
“You’ll be fine.” (more…)
Now that I’m finished sooking for five or ten minutes, there are many other more interesting and entertaining things that have occurred in between.
For example, I field-tripped to Brooklyn a few days ago. There was live music and flasks and an eventual dance party in my living room. The evening concluded with nachos on the sidewalk around 1am.
Oh and laughter. There was a lot of joy and laughter that day.
Also, I recently roamed the Bowery in the summer rain; sipped a pomegranate martini in a dimly lit Russian vodka lounge; gazed into paintings at MoMA until my eyes rolled out of my head and onto each canvas; and woke up the next day with a pair of boots on my carpet that do not belong to me.
Big picture speaking, I know I seriously have nothing to complain about. (more…)
alone. at night. i have these feelings that
he might inhale how i am. waiting for
him. what i felt in a midnight way. what
seems to be happening. assuming sure.
unannounced uncertainties pushing me
closer into what… i attempt. resist.
sad looking… fools… they… try… to disguise. to
put labels on how we whisper. hush… we
say nothing. staring until it is through.
scattering. elements of me. across
day after. day arriving. faster. then
my roots absorbed. this. familiar way. too…
break rules. like you could never. count.
shoulders cracking. pace. exchange. rest. share.
rebalancing what was always lost in-
typical me deceptively dreaming of a real kind of love
Namaste blog tribe
Sometimes, after my super, sad cranky bits – I feel disgruntle. Go figure. (more…)