Happy Thanksgiving to everyone celebrating it today! It’s my sixth Thanksgiving in blog-ville and when I think of how my life has turned inside out during this period, it’s a bit startling.
Five years ago, I celebrated with my whole family nearly. Last year, I was out in Colorado with my best friend of over 30 years. This year, it’s just me, my parents and one of my four siblings.
I guess I should say three siblings, considering how I had to disown one of my sisters over the past two years.
In any event, my number one motivation coming back to the states after a decade away was to be with my parents. So sharing today with them is the blessing that I am most thankful for.
It snowed yesterday. Being in the country is a peaceful retreat compared to my present New York City state of… “I need a job… I need to finish my book… need this, need that.”
All I need to do today is enjoy my parents, my sister and naturally – the puppies.
Nothing repairs me like coming to my parents place. New York City remains a top lover, of course. But the peace I find in Connecticut is something beyond words. The past seven months have been the most challenging I’ve seen since coming back. This shocks me in itself, because after addressing the trauma from my divorce, I really didn’t think things could get out of control again.
I have a companion staying with me in Manhattan to make sure I’m steady on my feet. He is the other element of life I am most thankful for today.
Love to you, yours and ours blog family. I’m thankful for all of you that check in on this journey we share. When I started this so many years back now, who knew where I’d end up. Thank you for being here too. Here’s to countless more blessings. x
Namaste blog family
The Live in Your Living Room event that occurred in my apartment last Saturday was a tremendous success. It was incredible to see Cloudmachine perform in my apartment four years after I wrote poetry to his music. It was the first time we met in person and an amazing experience all around.
Another surreal aspect of it all was how my life has come full circle. I set off to write professionally in New York City back in 2009, did just that, the gig came to a conclusion, so here I am floating again.
I’ve gotta say meeting someone in person who I came in contact with so early on in my mission was out of this world. There were probably about twenty people in my place at one stage, I think that’s more people than I actually know in total. The musicians brought guests, friends brought friends; it was an incredible event to be part of.
I’ve ducked out of the city again to get some writing done in the country. Focussing can be tricky with the whole, “Jesus, I really need a job”-ness railing the back of my skull – but I’m doing my best. After all, what more can we do.
Something else I’ve come to terms with recently is that during all of my working ventures since I’ve been back in town – the hardest one has been forgiving the ex-husband I left in Australia. Before my divorce, I didn’t really understand what being traumatized meant. And while I understand it and have dealt with it to the best of my ability over the past 36 months, I still haven’t forgiven him.
That’s unfamiliar to me, I might get crabby – but forgiveness is something that’s always come easy before.
I guess part of why it’s on my mind is because I’ve been working so hard these past 38 months, I was able to suppress the final pieces that come with letting go of a big part of your life. I don’t wish it on anyone.
I’m going to write some poems about it and get my posting steady again. I know I can’t feel terrible forever, I just hope it concludes soon.
Too long has gone by blog tribe. I wish I had better excuses for my gone-ness. The only excuse I really have is… secrets.
I’ve been crazy busy. Job applying, city running, puppy playing. I’m edgy and excited over where I’ll end up when the next job arrives. Also, I think about my book until it keeps me up at night.
The environment around me remains stunning. I’ve experienced autumn at least three times, traveling up and down the north-east coast. I have had a record period of silence and thoughtfulness.
When every layer of requirement peels away, go here, do this, apply for that, pay us… it usually comes back to book. Book and blah-g actually. Since recording just over five years of existence around here – I’m compelled to clean it in an enriching way that somehow expresses the creative contribution I endeavor to make to Earth, while I’m here.
It feels odd not having a day job. I stay busy and fluttering, awake at 5.30 every morning and what not. It’s just refreshing to experience another style of life for a minute – until I embrace everything changing again.
The concert in my living room for this weekend is still in effect for this Saturday, November 22nd. I’ve been lucid dreaming quite a bit and thinking thoughts of warm places.
I hope you are all well and bathing in light.
I had many appointments today. I was up down and around New York City. At the end of it, I dipped into a half-price happy hour at 3 Sheets Salon and worked on Book. That was super fun. It’s nearly done… you know?
Book is sexy blog tribe. #justsayin
Last night was my first night back in Manhattan after a lot of days away. David and I immediately collected to catch each other up on stories etc.
And we danced our faces off in my living room to this:
After my most recent break-up, matched with the whole “job… yeah, I’ll need one of those… eventually…” I woke up a bit meh. I fired up my Instagram with my morning coffee to learn that I was tagged in a #screenshot game – which essentially means screenshot whatever your home screen is and post it.
My screenshot, of course, is Fronkles and Peanut. The real magic in all of this, however, is while I’m sharing my picture with my Insta-mates, for the first time since I rescued him after losing Henry – Peanut and Fronkles played! It’s been somewhat heartbreaking watching each one try to play with the other for over a year with this odd chemistry of “wait, whose in charge? hold on… where’s my brother? you won’t hurt me… right?”
There is no better way to start my day. The two of them dancing around in a sea of growls erased whatever stress I woke up scowling.
Sad, right? I literally woke up scowling…
However! I am determined to utilized my NYC time effectively during another limbo era. After consulting with some inner circle affiliates, we’ve decided to use the bottom of my piggy bank to print my poems and ransack the city with them.
This plan took shape as I sat hunched over my laptop during country escapades and a friend of mine flipped though one of the poetry volumes and gently stated, “Like, I know you’re all into your novel right now. But, you’ve got a lot of time off for a minute… and you’re like, in Times Square. I think should just print single poems and poem-bomb the city with your shit.”
So! Today I shall put together a few pages which I will print off at the printing store and spin all over town with. No clue what the results will be… but we’re soon to find out!