the world & words of a new york city writer

gretchen is a writer in new york city

Tag: heartbreak (page 10 of 14)

welcome (the world)

welcome (the world)

he introduced me
not knowing
there is no one i need
to know. and while
these women gossiped
and laughed and bantered
my lungs expanded
while my eyes closed.
they said: she’s an alcoholic.
she isn’t one
of us.
they spoke and spat
mouth running mischief.
when this happens –
protection shuts
me down. before i rise
i take time
to consider. to think
about the color of his e(yes)
and accent of his voice
and things he does
not say
while he was trying to know
me. i was
never. one of whatever.
i hope he pleases her
before me
because i am nothing
but one second
of time. that
does not exist.

your socks

The last night I saw you was the only night my dog ever pissed on my floor. She did it while you were here doing drugs in my bathroom that were delivered by my dealer in a silver BMW about twenty minutes ago.

These are things that happen in Manhattan.

I’ve known you for almost two years now and you have begged and pleaded and played on the weakness my divorce cut me with and broke both of my knees.

I’ve given you a lot. Too much. Things I will never get back. Things you will never deserve. But if you ever thought I would give you the number of my delivery service – you played yourself. Continue reading

his birthday

Per Australia time, it’s my husband’s (“ex husband”) birthday today. Saint Patrick’s Day. It’s been a minute since I’ve written poetry. It spilled from my fingertips tonight: Continue reading

nicki. the crying game.

In between about being on about moving, I’ve had a sad feeling in me about someone I used to know.

I’ve mentioned before how I love Nicki. After packing all of my belongings into the back of an Isuzu earlier, I had the first chance to hear her new album.

My favorite track: The crying game.

Nicki Minaj – The Crying Game (Music Video) from RiRi_Fan_93 on Vimeo.

We’re back to playing. The crying game.
We could have been everything, don’t wanna let the tears begin.
We’re back to playing. The crying game.

my live living room. laying low.

Namaste blog family

IMG_5845The Live in Your Living Room event that occurred in my apartment last Saturday was a tremendous success. It was incredible to see Cloudmachine perform in my apartment four years after I wrote poetry to his music. It was the first time we met in person and an amazing experience all around.

Another surreal aspect of it all was how my life has come full circle. I set off to write professionally in New York City back in 2009, did just that, the gig came to a conclusion, so here I am floating again.

Drifting.

I’ve gotta say meeting someone in person who I came in contact with so early on in my mission was out of this world. There were probably about twenty people in my place at one stage, I think that’s more people than I actually know in total. The musicians IMG_5837brought guests, friends brought friends; it was an incredible event to be part of.

I’ve ducked out of the city again to get some writing done in the country. Focussing can be tricky with the whole, “Jesus, I really need a job”-ness railing the back of my skull – but I’m doing my best. After all, what more can we do.

Something else I’ve come to terms with recently is that during all of my working ventures since I’ve been back in town – the hardest one IMG_5813has been forgiving the ex-husband I left in Australia. Before my divorce, I didn’t really understand what being traumatized meant. And while I understand it and have dealt with it to the best of my ability over the past 36 months, I still haven’t forgiven him.

That’s unfamiliar to me, I might get crabby – but forgiveness is something that’s always come easy before.

I guess part of why it’s on my mind is because I’ve been working so hard these past 38 months, I was able to suppress the final pieces that come with letting go of a big part of your life. I don’t wish it on anyone.

I’m going to write some poems about it and get my posting steady again. I know I can’t feel terrible forever, I just hope it concludes soon.

 

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