OMFG. Blog family, it’s been a minute. An epic gap in the five year strong FollowMeToNYC crusade through my wordly world.
I’ve been in the country, Halloween came and went, I’ve been quiet and internal and reflective and all of those things that take you over in the times of your life that will prove to be most critical.
Essentially, shit’s going done.
There’s something that’s been on my mind since April and, unlike my happy trails of rant that I leave around here, I can’t directly talk about it. I guess the best thing to compare it to is that I feel like I’m in a witness protection program. Only I was a victim, not a witness. And in any event, I can’t talk about it. However, I will say, that this incident has directly impacted where I’m at right now – in every sense.
SO!!! Tomorrow, it’s back to New York City time. It’s been close to a remarkable three weeks since I’ve directly dealt with that little life of mine tightly nesting on the fringe of Times Square.
This is the first time I’ve been “in between jobs” since independently building my Manhattan life. That means I’ve never been cut loose to simply enjoy what I worked so hard for. And that’s exactly what I plan to do.
Of course, I’ve been working around the clock for the past two weeks. I have applied for Writer work everywhere from New York City to Australia and back to Seattle. I’ve been writing Book and dumping boyfriends.
That said, I have a new favorite dump your partner track. Y’all know how I love my empowering break-up songs, especially considering how many fools I’ve circled with over the past 36 months.
“And every day I wake up celebrating shit. Why? Cause I just dodged a bullet from a crazy bitch…”
greeting goodbye for a fake hello
Reaching the point where I am. Out. I’m out.
Unlike your ex, I won’t call for your couch.
I am not a species designed to shout.
36 years and I’ve never once slouched.
Don’t think I’m sad. Or even. Hurt. Walking
In shadows; all that I had. Do you think
If I felt, I would continue talking
? Don’t have to close two eyes. Only one. Wink.
Your memory failed us. Waving white flag.
You induce numb while I ignite this. Life
Blowing rings. Tipping crystal. Standard swag.
This knowledge-less land knows nothing of strife.
Next time you treat someone like you did me,
I hope you embrace what starting can be.
Taste of Fall
September tastes like apple cider in New York City. I walked through Central Park in 5am darkness that pricked with the first bite of winter’s warning. Not as hard as what was said last night.
No one goes to the park this early. There’s me, a clan of serial joggers, a few cyclists and a couple of homeless people. I’m here because I have dogs. I have dogs because they get me out of the house. And it’s important for me to get out of the house, because I have habits.
I have habits for a couple of reasons. Continue reading
less than (24 hours)
i explained. change.
like fall. collapsed says
foolish history cannot
sustain this real love.
past habit hits and inane
tidbits. useless chips
digging. with sharp nail
scratch. this surface
funnels. flashes. recede.
throw what you can’t hold.
time. never. it counted to me.
potential of possibility
he came and went. this style. of existence.
not knowing my stance that… everyone leaves.
i stopped my heart before it could commence;
rejecting this world for what i believe.
if he sees one truth, then let it be me.
his pieces snapped in. my kaleidoscope
gaze. he stared into me. what does he see?
endeavoring to mask my faith. my hope…
in my headspace walls, none of it matters.
i have rainbows of ways to deal and cope;
perceiving days as chaos and chatter.
looking around to only see absent.
with claws still dug in that some things are meant.