I’ve had a somewhat similiar conversation with four people over the past four days, I make a really great wife, but the shittiest girlfriend on Earth.
It’s not that I cheat or mistreat anyone. On the contrary, I’m fiercely loyal and actually enjoy breaking my back for anyone I’m in love with – which tends to be everyone.
I’ve always considered myself a servant to a certain degree. I think I’ve got a good grip on how terrible the planet is, so I go out of my way to ease other human’s experience by being a flexible, easy going creature. Continue reading
I hope you are all well around the world. I’ve decided that I think that I’m a hard person. I realized this today, when I sniffled and sobbed all the way to the vet to pick up Henry’s ashes. Alone. In freezing cold weather. Which somehow makes it worse, cold always makes everything worse.
Husband 2 is officially off the scene. I haven’t mentioned much about the details, some things are private even in Internet land. Needless to say, we bid each other an amicable adieu. I’ve realized I’m shit at being married. I’m moody, I get reclusive, I’m stuck in my ways and lots of other things.
It’s officially down to Peanut and I. Last year around this time, I was grieving my first husband and longing for the puppies to arrive. Little did I know that by the time they arrived, my second marriage would be over – and Henry’s body would be in its final weeks of a silent fight with cancer that no one could have saw.
Numb is the best way to describe my present state. I’ve seen some shitty times throughout our bloggy journey. But I’d like to give a special shout out to the suck that is presently having a feed on my fighting life. I’m not someone to sugar coat things. While I understand that at the end of the day, no one can rescue “you” except “you”, and yes, it can always be worse… but bloody hell… I’ve taken a serious beating over the past two months.
My focus stays on apartment. I am going to get Peanut set up someplace where I can visit her during lunch. I’ve considered getting her a friend, but how do you replace a sibling?
I don’t know how I’m fighting right now when I hurt so much. I’ll work it out. I’ve been in Sunnyside for eight weeks. During these eight weeks any certainty I thought was there evaporated. All I have is faith.
FollowMeToNYC is a creative processing ground which expresses individual ideas that often change with the tides. Naturally, these ideas do not reflect those of any of my employers, or anyone else you might see me wandering down the street with one day.