the world & words of a new york city writer

gretchen is a writer in new york city

Tag: thinking (page 11 of 48)

this internal. dwelling. top ten.

Love to you blog tribe.

IMG_7733I’m still internal. Sometimes I like it, sometimes I look around for the nearest sledgehammer to break the crystal globe I’ve been hibernating in the last few months.

It’s interesting to reach a point, after maintaining a “blah-g” for so many years, where I’ve literally retracted for an overwhelming number of reasons.

Top 10 Reasons I’ve Crept Into “Me” Continue reading

back up

Namaste darlings

After a few day hiatus where I filed down jagged life pieces, chopped up smooth ones and found ways to click and jab them all back together again…

Here I am. I apologize to anyone I frightened and appreciate the love that poured in with phrases like, “Oh my God! Did your site crash?” “Darling, are you ok?” And “I love reading your blog, I hope you’re alright.”

It was the first time in 54 months that I took down my web playground. There are a few reasons around it, nothing I feel like getting into right now.

In other news, the lovers are still nesting in my Hell’s Kitchen abode. I’ve been going on stacks of interviews. This Tuesday, I actually have four in one day. All at the same place. I’m pretty sure if my shine is bright enough, it’s my official train ticket back into town.

Nesting on a farm for five minutes had its moments, but obviously – New York City is the only place for me, when it comes to the U.S. If I want to find somewhere far away and quiet, I’ll go back to northern Australia.

There’s a life Manhattan makes for me that I couldn’t see clearly over the past 36 months for a few reasons. I went from one garbage relationship straight into another one, I dealt with two of my best friends committing suicide and then there’s the ugly “that happened” incident I’m not allowed to talk about.

I’ve come out stronger. I knew I was strong before, and I knew I was independent. But it wasn’t until the most recent upside down flipping of my world that both of these things carried me long enough to gain my true appreciation.

Oh, and the book… the book

viewing inter

IMG_8664I had a legitimate conversation with someone about work today. Not a “hide from life” situation… a legitimate job.

Earlier today, I was on the phone with my best friend of 32 years. We both agreed, ever since I got back to this country three and a half years ago… I haven’t been me. We even went a step further to say, whoever I might be was consumed by a stranger I married 12 years ago. Continue reading

horse getting

Alright blog tribe. I’m hopping back on my horse…

I’ve mentioned a bit about last April here and there, and put shortly – it sent my life reeling. It’s resulted where I am right now, tucked snugly in Connecticut and figuring out what’s next.

There’s a pair of lovers in my apartment in Manhattan. They’re staying there while I decide where I’ll end up next. The farm didn’t really go as planned. I got some writing done, I learned about myself.

I was whinging about offices a few weeks ago. Truth be told, offices actually don’t bother me that much. As a Writer, I’m used to being in front of a glowing screen. It’s not my favorite thing in the world – no one’s life is perfect.

IMG_8702What I can’t deal with, is inefficiency. Somehow, in all of these years of running around and writing for people, I’ve morphed into a legitimate Professional.

Scary…

I’m lucky to get paid to do what I love. When my last job concluded, I was super heated. I liked that job. I like being an enigma. I can sit and write poetry all day, or short stories about whatever’s on my mind. I’ve got a juicy novel in the mix. But on the other hand, I’ve somehow developed a knack at interpreting extremely complicated financial statements and turning them into words that people can actually understand.

Earth doesn’t really like originality. Earth likes stereotypes, categorizing humans into small boxes. I’m pretty sure I kicked the walls to my box down a long time ago. I’ve gotten my ass whooped along with the rest of us, and I’ve always prided myself on getting back up.

It’s a little frightening to process that something could happen to me that was so awful, worse than my divorce even, that I nearly didn’t want to get back up.

Nearly.

Love to each of you checking in. I see you here in our small corner of web-ville. And whether you realize it or not, it’s what’s finally brushed off my knees. I don’t want to bitch anymore.

adjust to surround

As a Writer, I believe there’s a lot of influence in one’s surroundings. When I look over my work through the years, from New York, then Australia, back in New York and now upstate in the country – I can often feel the environments where each piece was born.

There’s merit to Residence programs when Artists dip to beautiful places to shed their ordinary space somewhere exceptional and see what comes.

It’s been nearly four weeks since I left Manhattan. And while I miss and long for her the way I always do in our periods apart – she’s always there for me, and she always delivers when I need her the most. Also, there’s a safety I feel in her being two hours south, opposed to two days of travel like when I was in Australia.

Right now, after being through a fair amount in the past three years: two divorces, corporate mayhem, countless sleepless nights and the other ups and downs that life delivers… it’s divine being placed in the middle of nowhere, with some animal friends and a peace and quiet that just doesn’t come when you live in midtown.

I’ve been working on a few different things, but mainly, I’m just trying to relax. Working as an Executive, I’ve basically been on a 24-hour clock for the past few years. At the moment, I’m not on anyone’s clock. For the most part, I don’t even know what day it is. I wake up before the sun comes up and structure my time around writing and loving the furry creatures outside as we all withstand the coldest months of a New England winter.

I guess you could say I’m hibernating. And as the words unravel and I approach the end of Novel, I’m embracing this magical opportunity I’ve stumbled into.

And naturally, dreaming of spring.

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