Namaste blah-g family

I’m sitting in the 2am moonlight, with very little clothing (ok,none), a glass of French rose and a lot on my mind; on the deck of my personal water hut – tucked away along the Tahitian coastline.¬†IMG_4197

Having a lot on my mind in the southern hemisphere is different than when I’m spending time in New York City. It’s been nearly five years now since I’ve been there, I’m astonished by what I’ve achieved. I haven’t really had a clear shot at considering it – because my head works best exactly where I am.

I’m so close to home…

At this exact moment, while I’m writing to you – my skin in encased in the cool ocean wrap that only comes from within a tropical breeze. I’m watching IMG_4184streaks of lightning electrify the sky from across the blue-green Pacific water below my hut. In the distance, among the faint roll of white-capped waves, there is the most soothing, hushed roar of the tide whispering things to me that I’ll probably never say out loud.

At 37 years old, and being divorced for over five years now – I’ve come to accept being on my own. ¬†Considering I was married for almost a decade, this hasn’t been the easiest thing to face up to. Not because I can’t take care of myself – please. I funded this trip, I came here alone, I support my life in a high-rise tower smack in the center of one of the priciest neighborhoods on the planet.

It’s not easy, but I do it. What’s impossible, I’m finding, is placing myself with another person. I fall in and out of love more times than some people change their socks, I reckon. We all have a vice.

However, something magical happens when I leave everything for the southern hemisphere. When I run from the 330 some-odd million chaos of the states to hide in the middle of the sea with barely any other human life around.

I come back to who I am…

New York City has given me every opportunity I dreamt of, more in fact. I figure (considering averages) I’ve got about another 35-40 years before I kick it. I’m literally on the brink of walking into the second half of my life, as if I was being born again to live the ¬†exact amount of years again.IMG_4203

Manhattan made sure I would write my way through that. If I hadn’t gone back, I don’t think my business card would say Writer. And most importantly, I wouldn’t have spent that last five years near my father – who is and will always be the most important person in my life.

I was scared to come back to this side of the world for quite some time. Last time I came, I stayed for ten years. I was uncertain how the shock of coming and leaving would hit me.

However, I’ve been here just over 24 hours – and I know exactly what I have to do. I need to come back. It won’t be easy, it will take a bit of time – but if there’s one thing I know, when you set your mind to something with true intent – it happens.