when your mouth is

January 15, 2020 Posted by the writer

Super shut.

Observations inside silence are always the loudest to me.

One of my favourite people who hails from the South Island of New Zealand spent a few days in my beach hut recently.

We guzzled gin drinks and played hair colour games with another favourite who dwells down Byron way.

We dipped carrot sticks in garlic dips and swapped secrets and silliness. The colours of my life are violet and gold. They remain that way.

Seven years back two of my best friends killed themselves within nine months of each other. That reality floated past these pages somewhere, right around the time when I shut down.

Considering I keep five friends in my pocket, losing close to 50% of them was something I never tried to accept.

Not until these past few weeks.

When y’all wonder where I went. Inside a broken heart is probably the best excuse I can float you.

I never took a minute to think about it. I’ve been crying a bit recently. I’m finally facing what the fuck my problem is.

Per the recommendation of one of my favourite kiwis, I’m finally starting to dance it off. That’s what the boys would want.

Blast this. You’re welcome.

my inter-web beef

January 15, 2020 Posted by the writer

Namaste blog tribe

Now that I’ve been peeking in here and there back in webpage world, I’ve been having many conversations with my five friends about what to do here; where I’ve been; where I’d like this all to go.

I’ve learned something significant with regard to my silence and general direction I set for sharing my art online, there is a particular group – a big one – I simply can’t stomach.

I slightly nodded toward it in my Jeffree mention, the screen hiders and haters. There’s a significantly large, and growing, group of humans who have nothing better to do than sling hate.

This is why I have no social media at this second. People on this webpage have found it in their own way for their own reasons, and I can moderate my comments like a mother fucker if need be.

When it comes to the FuckBooks as I like to call it or the YouFucks… they’re all just corporate add agencies that use people’s private lives to sell advertising – and it kind of makes me sick.

It really makes me sick.

Not only am I unaccepting of the hate culture online, I refuse to have it in my life. I’d rather hide. I don’t need anyone to approve my art or feelings, I’m fortunate to have built a tremendously successful career based on my writing. So it’s unnecessary to lean into any of those platforms to get paid.

Don’t get me wrong, people who do lean into those platforms are making way more money than me. They’re hitting a much wider audience, and I send them love extending far beyond what most creatures can conceive.

However, here in my corner – fuck that, man. I’ve got a few things to say that have gone down over the past ten years. I’m contemplating putting them on “the youtube” per advice of many lovers I trust and for the bottom line fact that it’s a massive platform.

I’ve got deep imbedded reasons in me why I hate youtube. I’ll talk about those tomorrow. For you kids still around, I promise I’ll get back to dailies. I think about you guys every day. To package up what’s gone down in the past five years or so is impossible. I’m in the midst of the art that’s moving me on…

IF UR LISTENING

January 10, 2020 Posted by the writer

WOAH – OH – OH – OH …

… sing it back woah woah woah

I WAS FEELIN FREE…. WOAH OH OH OH

so

tell. me

what

do i need?

(stumble til you drop)

solitude

January 7, 2020 Posted by the writer

I always say I’m all one way, or all the other.

I did eight years in midtown Manhattan because I wanted to be in it. I needed to be around humans, I wanted the energy of the 24-hour buzz. I was heart broken and lost.

I’ve been back in Australia just over 18 months. It’s not easy doing everything alone. While I can look back on my first marriage and clearly identify why it was utterly fucked, I got really used to being with someone.

I don’t think I’ll ever completely adjust to being by myself. But I always go where my heart speaks to. Australia is my heart. It has been since I first arrived in 2002.

Every morning when the light wakes me up, I go straight to the beach. It’s a 10-minute scoot down the street.

I’m in between jobs, once again. The career I built in Manhattan was unexpected and I feel like the word phenomenal is an understatement.

For the past two months I’ve been simmering. After a decade of grinding whether it was spinning a blahg empire or making in excess of 200K a year at one point (writing, always and only writing…) I reached a point where I knew I had to stop.

As an artist, the emotional tax of relationships is real shit. I keep about five people close, in my pocket close. When two of my pocket tribe took their own lives eight years ago… I never reformed as the person I was.

I believe when it’s said we live like five or six lives in a lifetime. I’m probably embarking on number four at this stage. I’ve got a few freelance gigs that will hopefully give me dollars to get by.

Lily is about to be 13 years old. That’s a lot of dog years. All I want to do at the moment is be with her and Fronkles. I definitely like dogs better than people as a general rule.

I’m putting myself back together after personal things not meant to be slung on the web. However I must say, I’m elated to see how many of you popped up when I came back to this corner again.

I’m making it a priority to check in every day again. Slowly things will unravel and a natural catch up will ensue.

I started this page because I was having a really difficult time in my personal life. I’m back for the same reason. I consider this site a fluid art project and love you all for checking in.

another husband down… here but hear…

January 5, 2020 Posted by the writer

Nearly 12 months has gone by. This site has been up down, back up – back down.

Husband #3 proved to be just as much a disappointment as the first two, probably worse.

Interestingly, he’s one of the highest ranked military men on Earth. And no, that’s not a joke.

Yo… you have no idea.

The 10 year anniversary of FollowMeToNYC came and went, in September 2019.

… happy 2020 lovers. I miss you and think of you.

My trip into silence has been real. This page was a beautiful art project and I’m happy for it to be live. I have a new one in the mix, now that I’m back in Australia.

I’m still getting the grace to build it all again, but it’s GretchenOnTheGoldCoast. More about it very soon, probably like tomorrow.

Since being back in Australia for pushing 19 months, solitude is real. I have no family here. The fake relationship I married into after eight weeks is trash. I was really pushed in ways no one should be.

On the other side of that, I can’t turn my cheek to the incredible career I’ve built. I was still with my first husband (my only real husband) when I started this webpage in 2009.

He didn’t even know that I was getting ready to leave him and end the abuse. None of you knew either, I never really talked about it.

He’s happy with his wife who is an Aussie immigrant like me, only she’s from China. It seems like she brought a kid in the mix and now they can be a family.

I actually don’t care.

My second husband is a drop kick, we faked a friendship for a minute but he’s a violent person and I don’t like that.

As far as number three goes, the solider – I think’s that’s complicated and might need a few poetry books at some point.

I want to be back. I want to start talking (writing/blahging) and sharing again.

I am grateful for this couple of year shut down. Please don’t take it personal blog tribe, I wasn’t talking to anyone. It wasn’t just you.

I’m inhaling and spine straightening now. Reconnecting. Regenerating.

We have so much to talk about… I’m just trying to clean up the platforms to do it. But I promise to keep this one open. Honesty is rare. I never saw how raw I was being until I shut this down and people came asking where I went.

… wait until we talk about where I’ve been.

One love.

3 x 3 x 3

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    FollowMeToNYC is a creative processing ground which expresses individual ideas that often change with the tides. Naturally, these ideas do not reflect those of any of my employers, or anyone else you might see me wandering down the street with one day.
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