Category: ‘blog’

jeffree star

January 11, 2020 Posted by the writer

For those unfamiliar, Jeffree Star is a self-made make up mogul.

Having spent my own period/s of life playing online, I appreciate the tribal members out there who make it big connecting with audiences, bringing people together and sharing their art with the world. Jeffree’s makeup art and how he built his empire, in my opinion, is unprecedented.

Part of Jeffree’s journey for the past five years was his partner Nathan. Everyone knew Nathan, everyone knew them as a set. Yesterday, Jeffree shared that the two of them split.

This all touched me deep for a lot of reasons. First, I’m blown away by the online pack who really and most raw put like, close to every single piece of their life out there for public consumption. I respect it. On the other side of that, I’m disgusted by web trolls. You know, the ones who go online to rip people apart from behind the safety of their own screen.

I once heard a click of girls getting money online say, “If you ain’t got no haters, you ain’t poppin.” There’s certainly truth in that.

Back when Shakespeare’s plays were being performed, if the audience wasn’t happy, they tossed rotten fruit and jeered. Not the best feedback to receive; but afterwards – they all went home and on about their lives.

Social media and the speed of information being shot around the web has created an entire realm where millions of humans don’t want to do anything but spread hate. And if it gets legs, it can go on for weeks, months, even years creating “permanent” records vomited over a completely out of control network filled with whatever anyone feels like putting up.

Fortunately, I find Jeffree’s supporters to be love spreaders, similar to the little click we had buzzing in this corner before I dipped back into my natural state of solitude. As I learned on FollowMeToNYC, and part of why I disappeared for a few years, is that when you form these cyber relationships – they’re completely real.

When I was posting every day, part of it was in the name of my art project – however, what came to inspire me more was when I tipped the scale of a couple thousand people peeking in daily to see what I was up to.

Jeffree has millions of those, and he maintains his game with a consistency and class that I personally have not seen anyone else in the online game touch. I can’t imagine maintaining obligations to your fans to share and keep them posted, when all you want to do is find a way to disappear.

I bask in disappearance. I have been for about five years. I change continents and phone numbers quicker than most people can can change their mind.

The reason all of this with Jeffree has hit me hard and resulted in this mega rant is that I really feel for him after the break up. When husband #1 slit my heart in half and diced the pieces, I took it silently. And while I started this site as part of my own healing process to get through, I never talked about it here at all.

Instead, I put out three poetry books in three years.

Seeing Jeffree maintain his integrity while continuing to be there for a worldwide audience who loves him has been completely inspiring. And while my heart cracked at the news of his own soul crunching, the way he is navigating it is another reason why I believe as far as utilising the world wild web to connect with others, express yourself and create beauty adds yet another new reason why I respect what he does and feel good about witnessing someone who keeps pushing to do good in a world that can often be quite un-great.

Love to all of you, and love to you Jeffree. If you should ever stumble across my microscopic pocket of the digital orb so many of us dip in and out of, I hope you know how truly iconic of an Artist you are and how grateful so many of us are to see that in the sea of online surfing – we’re lucky when we find the real ones.

IF UR LISTENING

January 10, 2020 Posted by the writer

WOAH – OH – OH – OH …

… sing it back woah woah woah

I WAS FEELIN FREE…. WOAH OH OH OH

so

tell. me

what

do i need?

(stumble til you drop)

solitude

January 7, 2020 Posted by the writer

I always say I’m all one way, or all the other.

I did eight years in midtown Manhattan because I wanted to be in it. I needed to be around humans, I wanted the energy of the 24-hour buzz. I was heart broken and lost.

I’ve been back in Australia just over 18 months. It’s not easy doing everything alone. While I can look back on my first marriage and clearly identify why it was utterly fucked, I got really used to being with someone.

I don’t think I’ll ever completely adjust to being by myself. But I always go where my heart speaks to. Australia is my heart. It has been since I first arrived in 2002.

Every morning when the light wakes me up, I go straight to the beach. It’s a 10-minute scoot down the street.

I’m in between jobs, once again. The career I built in Manhattan was unexpected and I feel like the word phenomenal is an understatement.

For the past two months I’ve been simmering. After a decade of grinding whether it was spinning a blahg empire or making in excess of 200K a year at one point (writing, always and only writing…) I reached a point where I knew I had to stop.

As an artist, the emotional tax of relationships is real shit. I keep about five people close, in my pocket close. When two of my pocket tribe took their own lives eight years ago… I never reformed as the person I was.

I believe when it’s said we live like five or six lives in a lifetime. I’m probably embarking on number four at this stage. I’ve got a few freelance gigs that will hopefully give me dollars to get by.

Lily is about to be 13 years old. That’s a lot of dog years. All I want to do at the moment is be with her and Fronkles. I definitely like dogs better than people as a general rule.

I’m putting myself back together after personal things not meant to be slung on the web. However I must say, I’m elated to see how many of you popped up when I came back to this corner again.

I’m making it a priority to check in every day again. Slowly things will unravel and a natural catch up will ensue.

I started this page because I was having a really difficult time in my personal life. I’m back for the same reason. I consider this site a fluid art project and love you all for checking in.

another husband down… here but hear…

January 5, 2020 Posted by the writer

Nearly 12 months has gone by. This site has been up down, back up – back down.

Husband #3 proved to be just as much a disappointment as the first two, probably worse.

Interestingly, he’s one of the highest ranked military men on Earth. And no, that’s not a joke.

Yo… you have no idea.

The 10 year anniversary of FollowMeToNYC came and went, in September 2019.

… happy 2020 lovers. I miss you and think of you.

My trip into silence has been real. This page was a beautiful art project and I’m happy for it to be live. I have a new one in the mix, now that I’m back in Australia.

I’m still getting the grace to build it all again, but it’s GretchenOnTheGoldCoast. More about it very soon, probably like tomorrow.

Since being back in Australia for pushing 19 months, solitude is real. I have no family here. The fake relationship I married into after eight weeks is trash. I was really pushed in ways no one should be.

On the other side of that, I can’t turn my cheek to the incredible career I’ve built. I was still with my first husband (my only real husband) when I started this webpage in 2009.

He didn’t even know that I was getting ready to leave him and end the abuse. None of you knew either, I never really talked about it.

He’s happy with his wife who is an Aussie immigrant like me, only she’s from China. It seems like she brought a kid in the mix and now they can be a family.

I actually don’t care.

My second husband is a drop kick, we faked a friendship for a minute but he’s a violent person and I don’t like that.

As far as number three goes, the solider – I think’s that’s complicated and might need a few poetry books at some point.

I want to be back. I want to start talking (writing/blahging) and sharing again.

I am grateful for this couple of year shut down. Please don’t take it personal blog tribe, I wasn’t talking to anyone. It wasn’t just you.

I’m inhaling and spine straightening now. Reconnecting. Regenerating.

We have so much to talk about… I’m just trying to clean up the platforms to do it. But I promise to keep this one open. Honesty is rare. I never saw how raw I was being until I shut this down and people came asking where I went.

… wait until we talk about where I’ve been.

One love.

3 x 3 x 3

salt water. poetry processing.

January 19, 2019 Posted by the writer

My unplugged-ness lusciously carries on. I’ve been considering my options to get a typewriter. While I always prefer writing by hand, I’ve been having daydreams about old school clacks and inky ribbons.

My husband is in Spain. While I’m waiting for him to return, I’ve been in the water. Mainly salt water. I’ve also been in the pool a few hours a day. My favorite times are at night, floating on a raft beneath a waxing moon.

My thoughts are poetry, that’s how I assess my health. When I’m at my best, I literally think in poems. Avoiding the internet and glowing screens naturally nourishes this process.

I’d like to produce a new poetry book. After purging three publications in three years, I’ve kept my work between leather bound covers spilt in blue gel ink.

I’ll probably get around to this once we’re on the island…

Saying I feel relaxed or centered are both ultimate understatements. I am beyond words. I am finally back to floating.

After realizing my first husband was evil, I had the most amazing period of proving how I never needed him in the first place. As a hopeless romantic, I adore needing my current husband now and completely forever.

… the real one.

As he so eloquently stated to me earlier today:

No puedo estar sin ti…

… and I curled my toes and thought in poetry.

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    FollowMeToNYC is a creative processing ground which expresses individual ideas that often change with the tides. Naturally, these ideas do not reflect those of any of my employers, or anyone else you might see me wandering down the street with one day.
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