I think my abrupt honesty with regard to my emotional state can be startling to some people. I know I said that I wasn't going to talk about him anymore, I'm not. I'm talking about me... I'm still not good. Saying that I'm worse than I have ever felt isn't really stretching it. According to my best friend, one time I was worse. When you're 38, and rely on no one the way that I do - after awhile, you start to forget what it's like to need...
My mind has been on moving over the past week and change. The lease in my midtown tower expires come July, and I'm about to be out. Usually, when it comes to leaving the states - I say, the further the better; which is partially how I ended up in Australia for ten years. My heart exploded in Sperlonga, Italy and is beating on the beach's white sand - waiting for me. Therefore, I'm putting myself on a back-to-Australia-via-Sperlonga itinerary....
direction to affection’s destruction I cannot find love. Inside this. Madness. He asked reasons for my affinity — To explain being woken from sadness. I always knew he was never for me. See: when our hands touched beneath a table My heart was alive the first time this life. My longing soul was now lit, capable. But only true love can promise you strife. My emotions erupted when he blinked. The world around me took a different shape. I...
I slept for ten hours. From roughly 3pm to 2am. I woke up, phoned a friend, and sooked some more. However, today is Monday. I have things to do at work. I'm eternally grateful for a full-time writing job. It demands that I focus in ways outside of my ordinary thought patterns. I told the team of boys that have been holding me up all weekend that my approach to dealing with this from here forward is in one simple way: suppression. I'm not going...
The weekend is passing effectively. It's somehow Sunday morning... I sufficiently cycled another 24 hours of crying and sleeping. In my latest emergency call to David to cry about the luthier; he brought forward a new theory to my present state of disarray. "I don't think he realized..." What David was referring to with the "realize" bit, I believe, are my eccentricities. He reckons that perhaps the luthier didn't realize I'm quite... so......