Well, this weekend sucked - like last weekend. I slept as much as I could. I was invited out, I declined. The only thing I want, is the luthier. I actually prefer the workweek to weekends while I'm going through this because workweeks are more structured, they go by quicker. I have a defined place to go and clear tasks to execute. But when you leave me to my devices for 48 hours, yeah... not so much. I have been talking to my soulmate since...
So it's 8am on Friday. Here are my top ten stats of the day, it's been a minute since a top ten. Top ten stats of Friday so far. 10. The amount of minutes it took me to get myself out of bed. 9. The number of dreams I had about the luthier last night. 8. The current time. 7. The number of texts I've swapped with the luthier so far today. 6. How many times I've said, "I wish it was Saturday." 5. How many minutes until I probably cry again. 4. How...
I'm hanging on by a thread blog tribe. Right now I'm listening to Vinicio Capossela. I spent the morning wandering around the east river and exchanging a few "we will always be together" messages. Saremo sempre insieme... I moped around my apartment. I'll go to work soon. Work is actually helping. I'm all about distraction as a coping mechanism, huge fan. Meanwhile, my heart has copped a historic beating. The weekend was beyond terrible. I don't...
It's about three am. There's a reason I haven't been around for four days. I've spent most of the time feeling bad for myself, generally self-loathing. Some of this behavior I put back to my non-traditional upbringing. Most of it I put to the fact that the absence of the love of my life has me slowly suffocating. Considering that I have never been in a relationship of a comparable capacity, with any man, my entire life... prior to now - it's...
I miss coffee in the morning. I miss watching him roll cigarettes. I miss waking up next to him, which is crazy because I usually refuse to sleep next to anyone, generally speaking. I miss how my heart drops the second I see him after being apart. I miss kissing him goodbye at the subway. There's something therapeutic to me about obsession. People fuck love up all the time. To me, having a lover to keep comes down to one major factor: obsession....