his birthday

Per Australia time, it’s my husband’s (“ex husband”) birthday today. Saint Patrick’s Day. It’s been a minute since I’ve written poetry. It spilled from my fingertips tonight:

restructuring stay

there. can only be
one. he and (eye)
promises. a lot
of vows. teeth chatter
swearing. i dressed
in shades of declaration.
when you never
want anything. seek
a shape and style
to convince the rest
that. “i’m ok.”
no one wears this… look.
protection locks me
and i don’t want it
and it’s not good enough
because you aren’t he(a)re
and i never mattered.
but… what… you took
a(way). empty heart
beat. rhythm. i AM
dancing a walk. you
overlooked. touching
these tears. fitting

what. i used (to be)

it doesn’t. go. a-
way. people say
(they) assumptions.
i left. for reasons.
creased suit. smile.
outside in(side). stance.
when you want. to cry
and tears do not
fall like i need. to(o)…
his. lies. false. fucking.
i stood. stretch back facade.
and i can’t be
beat. slamming skin
to resolve something. that
will. never. be.

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