Posts Tagged: ‘heartbreak’

18 years ago today

February 8, 2021 Posted by the writer

Life is a wild and wonderful ride, considering the big picture. There are a lot of fucked up pieces in between that level you down to Earth, but I still remain a glass half full kind of girl.

18 years ago today, I eloped with my first husband on Sandringham beach. 10 weeks after we met, for a relationship that would last eight years.

It’s been 10 years since I left him. I never looked back. But I’ve grown in such amazing ways throughout my life, sometimes I nod toward the time we spent together.

In the past 10 years, I did everything I told my husband I was going to do, and more.

Thinking about it, the only valuable thing in the relationship we had turned out being completely useless in the end.

I live an extraordinary life. I spent awhile trying to say I’m like everyone else, but I’m not. Neither was my husband. We did amazing things together. We literally changed people’s lives, and people found me and changed mine. Or enhanced it, is probably better wording.

If I didn’t have my best friend, who I’ve known since I was four years old, I’m not sure I’d have my wits about me the same way.

Things that happen in my life are perpetually unbelievable. They always have been. But when you’re accustomed to it, it’s not as shiny.

So I guess that brings me to my moment…

I live in paradise. I still write about money. Such a funny thing. In the galaxy of my soul, I don’t give a fuck about money.

I believe because that is so true, I’ve never worried about it. Money doesn’t make you happy. Trust and faith can if you’re lucky.

But what do I know?

So my moment…

I live in the centre of water. I swam in something called the Wooloweyah lagoon last week. There is ocean and river and lakes completely consuming the small patch of grass I occupy with my three dogs.

I love them so much. Lily is nearly 14.

I couldn’t have planned my life any better. I have this relationship with my intuition that has taken me all over the world. Australia, Italy, Spain, Amsterdam, Belgium, Mexico, Central America, Berlin, Ireland, Vanuatu, Tahiti, midtown Manhattan, South Korea…

At one point I was writing for a Dutch gentleman who was delivering the speeches I was spilling in 237 countries.

I’ve done all kinds of shit.

I rescued a dog on 9th Avenue in Hell’s Kitchen, smuggled it into a luxury door man building and then brought him to Australia, for example.

Curiously, this website came from heartbreak. It’s why I published three poetry books in three years.

When I stopped talking to my husband, I started typing on this webpage. Every single day. And somehow, that got me from a farmstead Queenslander into a luxury high-rise a few blocks from Grand Central.

The weird thing is, I never expected to be married to my husband forever. I obviously knew much better from the first day we met.

There was a farm at some point

I used to think I was creating really great work around here. I liked some of the stories and I’m proud about some of the poems.

Then I realised all of the writing I’ve done since my last poetry book. I came back to Australia to sort it out.

Naturally, me being me, it took two years to cool out. I had the weird spy that was following me and then the bikey boyfriend with fire eyes who used to make my toes curl.

I think I’m finally relaxed.

I ate Australian pizza with a born and bred local who wears the tides on his wrist and rocks swimming trunks like they’re shorts.

I drank tequila with someone who has a peyote cactus growing in front of his caravan and jumped in the lake under the Milky Way last Friday.

I write it all down. I promise.

Nick Snider is not an asshole

October 23, 2020 Posted by the writer

Nick Snider really wants to be an asshole.

I understand for me to even mention that name makes no sense, and I couldn’t agree more. I have no idea who that is.


tapping tonight

October 1, 2020 Posted by the writer

I’m at another random bar with another random stranger wearing your pants, no panties, and waiting to bleed.

I wonder if he can smell it…



January 7, 2020 Posted by the writer

I always say I’m all one way, or all the other.

I did eight years in midtown Manhattan because I wanted to be in it. I needed to be around humans, I wanted the energy of the 24-hour buzz. I was heart broken and lost.

I’ve been back in Australia just over 18 months. It’s not easy doing everything alone. While I can look back on my first marriage and clearly identify why it was utterly fucked, I got really used to being with someone.

I don’t think I’ll ever completely adjust to being by myself. But I always go where my heart speaks to. Australia is my heart. It has been since I first arrived in 2002.

Every morning when the light wakes me up, I go straight to the beach. It’s a 10-minute scoot down the street.

I’m in between jobs, once again. The career I built in Manhattan was unexpected and I feel like the word phenomenal is an understatement.

For the past two months I’ve been simmering. After a decade of grinding whether it was spinning a blahg empire or making in excess of 200K a year at one point (writing, always and only writing…) I reached a point where I knew I had to stop.

As an artist, the emotional tax of relationships is real shit. I keep about five people close, in my pocket close. When two of my pocket tribe took their own lives eight years ago… I never reformed as the person I was.

I believe when it’s said we live like five or six lives in a lifetime. I’m probably embarking on number four at this stage. I’ve got a few freelance gigs that will hopefully give me dollars to get by.

Lily is about to be 13 years old. That’s a lot of dog years. All I want to do at the moment is be with her and Fronkles. I definitely like dogs better than people as a general rule.

I’m putting myself back together after personal things not meant to be slung on the web. However I must say, I’m elated to see how many of you popped up when I came back to this corner again.

I’m making it a priority to check in every day again. Slowly things will unravel and a natural catch up will ensue.

I started this page because I was having a really difficult time in my personal life. I’m back for the same reason. I consider this site a fluid art project and love you all for checking in.

extending essense

March 18, 2018 Posted by the writer

extending essense

my last year
stuck. to me
how (eye) use – you
we never would
lined (up)
tell me
a –
gain. tell me

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    FollowMeToNYC is a creative processing ground which expresses individual ideas that often change with the tides. Naturally, these ideas do not reflect those of any of my employers, or anyone else you might see me wandering down the street with one day.
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