the world and words of a writer

Namaste blog family

The Live in Your Living Room event that occurred in my apartment last Saturday was a tremendous success. It was incredible to see Cloudmachine perform in my apartment four years after I wrote poetry to his music. It was the first time we met in person and an amazing experience all around.

Another surreal aspect of it all was how my life has come full circle. I set off to write professionally in New York City back in 2009, did just that, the gig came to a conclusion, so here I am floating again.

Drifting.

I’ve gotta say meeting someone in person who I came in contact with so early on in my mission was out of this world. There were probably about twenty people in my place at one stage, I think that’s more people than I actually know in total. The musicians brought guests, friends brought friends; it was an incredible event to be part of.

I’ve ducked out of the city again to get some writing done in the country. Focussing can be tricky with the whole, “Jesus, I really need a job”-ness railing the back of my skull – but I’m doing my best. After all, what more can we do.

Something else I’ve come to terms with recently is that during all of my working ventures since I’ve been back in town – the hardest one has been forgiving the ex-husband I left in Australia. Before my divorce, I didn’t really understand what being traumatized meant. And while I understand it and have dealt with it to the best of my ability over the past 36 months, I still haven’t forgiven him.

That’s unfamiliar to me, I might get crabby – but forgiveness is something that’s always come easy before.

I guess part of why it’s on my mind is because I’ve been working so hard these past 38 months, I was able to suppress the final pieces that come with letting go of a big part of your life. I don’t wish it on anyone.

I’m going to write some poems about it and get my posting steady again. I know I can’t feel terrible forever, I just hope it concludes soon.