Posts Tagged: ‘sorrow’

R.I.P Henry. Fuck you lymphoma.

November 10, 2012 Posted by the writer

Henry left Earth this morning. I picture him surrounded in gold light, somewhere far away with wings… in a place far superior to the lower vibrational land where you and I reside.

I know it’s cliche, but the ones that are left behind are always the ones that suffer indescribably. Like Peanut and I, for example.

While I have been attempting to drown my tears in tequila, it has yet to prove successful. Although, at the rate my tears are pouring, I’m hoping to drown in those soon. Naturally I would have to cry enough to drown Peanut as well so we could both go and catch up with Henry together. Timothy would also like to come along.

Unfortunately, I don’t foresee this happening. But considering the rate of my sobs, I haven’t completely out-ruled the idea yet.

All the days I spent thinking that Henry was having belly problems, I was completely undermining the issue. He had stage three lymphoma. That’s why he was vomiting every day, and looking sad… not eating, in the end. Stomach cancer was slowly taking over. The worst kind. The kind with no visible signs, no bumps saying “have me checked”… etc. (more…)

cancer

November 6, 2012 Posted by the writer

They think Henry has cancer. He won’t eat. It’s very possible I will not be in these parts for some time.

I guess we all have our breaking point.

R.I.P Nathan Wills

August 5, 2012 Posted by the writer

Three weeks ago today I blogged about a conversation I was having with an Artist I love and respect uniquely to any other soul I have encountered.

Ten minutes ago I popped on Twitter to say hello. That’s how I found out that Nathan Wills took his own life on July 27th.

Nathan and I found each other in the early days of FollowMeToNYC when I was soaring the land of social media following conversations of musicians, writers, artists and other lovers connecting through these means. Instantly our conversations went beyond such talents – we talked about infinite love. We talked about one Soul. (more…)

affirm return of the sun

January 13, 2012 Posted by the writer

Happy Friday the 13th! It feels like only yesterday we were celebrating the day of all things spooky.

It’s been nearly two months since I decided to get over my divorce. I’m glad I made the decision to go to therapy. Having a personality scientist spell things out that I probably didn’t want to face (definitely didn’t want to face) has helped me immensely.

I don’t think psychologists can cure depression, but they can put you in the position where you decide to heal yourself.

The irony is, I know what will make me better. I know that sitting inside sulking is not going to achieve great things, and I know that until you make the conscious decision to get better – nothing changes.

I said all of these things to my therapist yesterday. Then she looked at the pile of papers she was going to give me to read and said, “I don’t really think you need these after all.”

My weekly sessions haven’t taught me how to feel good, but they have taught me why my marriage made me feel so bad. As someone who would rather swallow blood than pride, it’s taken the assistance of a PhD holding Princess to break down the behaviors of my ex into a language that has finally penetrated the eight years I endured in utter denial.

“He didn’t treat you right. He isn’t good for you.”

These are the affirmations I’m focussed on now. While they may not be the “Be easy on yourself” notions the doctor had in mind, they’re helping to settle into acceptance.

The sun helps too. I finally feel a sincere affirmation of its return.

Perhaps I’ll start being easier on myself after all.

fluid extinction

January 9, 2012 Posted by the writer

fluid extinction

what if. i wore
definitions of different
around my belt;
like it could hold something
up. a place of above
generic. understanding, knowledge
that you could even
conceive a chance of another.
while i bleed, justify
shared ideologies. you are
something of another
where i can finally feel
complete. ended.
as i chase
something. i cannot contact.
i extend beyond a barrier
of you ringing. out. unanswered.
weighing the wait of
my plea. my embrace. my
truth to touch what we do
not speak. silent declaration
while you shove. into another.
i ooze. a silent
stream.

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    FollowMeToNYC is a creative processing ground which expresses individual ideas that often change with the tides. Naturally, these ideas do not reflect those of any of my employers, or anyone else you might see me wandering down the street with one day.
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