the silence of love

Something from 2007… as featured in the forthcoming anthology…


I have not spoken for nearly three years now – not since that day.

Exiting a crowded airport, unsure of where I was going or where I had come from, two eyes the color of the sky after a storm found me in the bustling crowd. I fumbled to put my passport in my bag without breaking the ocular lock captivating me. It was like seeing land for the first time after years of being stranded at sea.

His eyes took ownership of my body, my soul, my voice. And that is the day I learned what it means to love. From that day forward, tears have been the only expression my altered state of elation permits.

My tears express everything these days, except of course sadness which no longer exists in our realm of true love. I am not embarrassed to cry anymore. I have found my one worthy lover, my soul mate. He understands the conviction of my tears and the integrity they contain.

I cry in wonder of the amazing treasure I have found; someone who can finally absorb the potency of my silence. Not a single tear is ignored or judged, only loved. I ask the universe, why am I this lucky? What was I doing that lead me to this? Where did I come from? How did I get here? And as much as I would like to ask my lover, I have sacrificed all words in exchange of the most awesome existence that is love.

He makes me honest. The pain and uncertainties of my past which I harbor in my soul to protect him from any darkness transmute into a crystal clear promise of truth that spills out of my eyes in liquid release. I am thankful and refreshed.

He tells me about the love he has for me, how thankful he is for that mysterious day at the airport and how gracious he is that I followed him home that warm December afternoon. His words flow like rain water running down glass after it falls from heaven.

The day he found me I could do nothing but stare at his perfect face through my fogged vision, he says that is the moment he realized that we had belonged to each other all along.

I can offer nothing but tears, tears of thankfulness and praise that I am one of the few blessed souls to know honest love. I realize now that anyone who has never cried at the utter presence of their lover has yet to discover the real meaning behind the word.

Love is awe. It is living in humble shadows with the understanding of how small you are next to such an earth shaking force. It has defined my life, claimed my voice. Words are as insignificant as grains of sand on a galactic scale.

My tears tell my secrets. On the nights that are too hot to sleep, I sit on the porch staring at the stars remembering mistakes. Past decisions I have made leading in the wrong direction, many of them performed with the voice I once possessed. I am still healing from some of these choices. As the warm fluid sneaks out from the corner of my eyes covering my cheeks with a salty glaze, my lover approaches.

He wraps his arms around me pressing his restless body to mine, kisses my neck, and understands. He understands the perfection we share upon discovering the reality of love. Staring up at the wonderment of infinity I am spinning.

We go inside and make love and as my body pulses the way only he has ever known, I gasp in climax, no loud sound dramatics required. He feels my passion, my pleading and appreciation. And after I feel his love fill my body with the promise of lifetimes, my face is warm and moist with sweat and tears.

He wipes my damp skin and tells me he loves me too. His words have layers of meaning like culture. When he speaks he need not say much because the emotion between us has already brought tears to my eyes.

…and he thinks that’s beautiful.

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