day eleven. i hate everything.

July 21, 2016 Posted by the writer

I’m hanging on by a thread blog tribe.

Right now I’m listening to Vinicio Capossela. I spent the morning wandering around the east river and exchanging a few “we will always be together” messages.

Saremo sempre insieme…

I moped around my apartment. I’ll go to work soon.

Work is actually helping. I’m all about distraction as a coping mechanism, huge fan.

Meanwhile, my heart has copped a historic beating. The weekend was beyond terrible. I don’t really feel like doing anything besides counting days. That’s essentially what I’ve been doing. Counting days and studying Italian. Hopefully I can speak a few licks when I leave.

In another 19 dreadful days.

What else have I done? I’ve cried a lot. I’ve probably eaten too much or not enough, depending on the day. I have complained to the point where I don’t even understand how my girls even pick up the phone when I call anymore. And I’ve locked myself away in silence, for hours on end, to really put effort into not complaining.

Put simply, I hate everything. I understand this will change the second my toes touch down in Rome. I realize worse things are occurring on the planet. None of the has any impact on my emotional state, which is sensitive at the moment.

Here’s to killing another day. Fake smiles all around.

About the writer

gretchen's brain is preoccupied with words.

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