the “i’m ok” game…

Dear blog family

I’m not really ok at the moment… but as far as I’m concerned, that’s kind of ok.

Does that even make sense? Because I assure you, no psychedelics are involved right now.

It’s been a rough few days. I’ve been locking myself in the bathroom at work a lot crumbling to wavy tear rivers. I’ve phoned my favorite people states side who have slapped me with a few firm “PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!!”S

Dare I say, I’m on a decent wage, I like my “job”, I should be cruising along and writing books – easy.

So you’d think…

Regardless of what my rational, grown-up commitments might be – my heart is in New York City.

Check that, pieces of my heart are there. Scattered around the amazing town that is NYC are random pieces of my heart.

I wonder if you put them together, would I actually feel like a person?

I tried to be social tonight after staying locked away for two weeks. The question, “Are you ok?” was raised by various friends and acquaintances. And as someone who likes to consider myself honest, my regular reply was, “No… not really.”

Sometimes I think that when you’re around people who know you, there’s no asking. It just breaks down to: You’re coming with me, I know you, you aren’t allowed to be alone tonight.

But I’m here. Alone. And truth be told, it’s totally ok.

I’ve just found yet one more reason to verify the choice that ruins and makes me.

I won’t be satisfied until I achieve permanent New York City replacement.

I taste it. It tastes like salty, warm Times Square pretzels – with mustard.