While I was having a three hour cry to one of my best friends on the phone yesterday, I realized once again that a big issue I have is not caring about being published. Don’t get me wrong, I realize that there’s benefit in getting published… I understand it’s what people that want to write for a living normally do. I will persevere trying to make myself care more, it’s kind of an ongoing saga. I just don’t get why I don’t care about it the way a lot of other writers do.
Considering that writing is sacred to me, not only as an artistic expression but the heartbeat of any sense I am able to make of our mysterious existence… putting my heart and soul out for someone to judge in accordance with how much money they can make off it makes me want to puke. Like I said, I will do it… because I have a business head and get the whole ‘someone needs to buy you food’ thing. However this doesn’t really offer me any type of short-term fix for this mental predicament.
To me, the most satisfaction possible is getting other people to love writing the way that I do. I would much rather have three people come up to me and say I made them want to write then have them say ‘I read your book.’ Plus tons of people publish books that no one reads or cares about, and I don’t really find inspiration there… just because you publish a piece of work (to me) doesn’t make you a Writer.
So within the madness of daily word counts and an attitude problem that I am sincerely trying to adjust… I’m learning more about what I really want to do.
… which will hopefully be helpful.