i can’t lie. puppies.

October 11, 2016 Posted by the writer

I think my abrupt honesty with regard to my emotional state can be startling to some people.

img_5166I know I said that I wasn’t going to talk about him anymore, I’m not. I’m talking about me…

I’m still not good. Saying that I’m worse than I have ever felt isn’t really stretching it. According to my best friend, one time I was worse.

When you’re 38, and rely on no one the way that I do – after awhile, you start to forget what it’s like to need someone. Not to split rent and groceries, I pay my own bills in midtown Manhattan… I’m not looking for a roommate.

What I feel like I have lost is my muse, and someone who I trusted. With everything.

The worst part is knowing that he is somewhere thinking of me, and I am here thinking of him – but considering the impact of global logistics, that’s how it’s going to stay.

No matter how much laundry I do, or the amount of walks I go on, or number of phone calls I make – I don’t feel any better.img_7309

I worked from home yesterday because I couldn’t bring myself to walk the two blocks to my desk. However, within the persistent despair that I keep trying to make light of… two angels have been on 24-hour alert through all of this without mention…

The puppies.

It’s funny, when I first got with the luthier – we talked about loyalty. Generally speaking, I prefer the company of dogs. They’re a holy creature, and nothing compares to the loyalty.

If loyalty existed, at all, amongst humans – I think better than half of the world’s problems would go away. People are so caught in themselves, loyalty amongst humans is a rare commodity on a path to extinction.

One of my problems is that I’m loyal to a fault – which is why “break-ups” send me to another planet. Why would I say I wanted to be with you forever and not mean it? Anyways, the puppies get it. So between them and the boys, I’m working on getting through another week.

About the writer

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gretchen's brain is preoccupied with words.

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