Close to two years ago, I went to the airport in Australia with my partner at the time – my partner of eight years. To call the psychological head fuck I went through an “experience” puts it lightly. Anyways, partner gives me a squeeze at customs and tells me we’ll be fine – that the rocky years were going away. Then he put me on an airplane and never contacted me again.
Somehow, five months later – I meet a wandering lad ten years younger and marry him a few weeks after that. Needless to say, that story has its own twists, dives and steady highlights.
My point is, I haven’t had a week off since any of this occurred. I’m coming to the end of this particular holiday stint. I realize how life requires us to reinvent and revise our approach countless times – but I never realized anyone or thing could set me back so much. I didn’t even realize it was setting me back until my 13th month in therapy from it.
It’s hard to explain feeling set back when you still gain things you set out for. Now that I’m once again over therapy, I realize that I learned a lot about depression. But regardless of the theories and experiences I’ve heard, the main thing I understand is until you somehow trick your own head out of it – it just doesn’t go away.
Humans have this way of denying things so they don’t have to deal with them. I did that for a long time. Having time off has given me a second to at actually comprehend what I’ve dealt with.
I feel like I’ve finally processed past issues with people who were nothing but karmic shadows playing a part. So here’s to the next adventure blog family.