contrast of compare. what if i don’t want.

I have a major crush on the 400 and some odd of you that visit my land each day and click through 1000ish pages of my words and rants.

Nothing pleases me more than watching Writer after Writer who I know walk away with book deals and various publications and agents approaching them and all of that. And I can’t help but wonder – why can’t I make myself want that more?

I definitely have enough content kicking around to polish and pimp some sort of book. But the more I think about it, the more I realize, it’s the moments where words flow from my fingers that keep me driven… not the idea of someone with a bible of contacts and some money in the bank saying, “Ummm… hey. We like your words too…”

I reckon when I first started off with my daily banter back in 2009, I really was motivated by getting published. I thought it would solve my problems, make me happy even. Who knows. Maybe one day it will.

But you know what makes me happy now? Having readers in over 25 countries checking in here every day to see how I’m keeping, what my ink is spilling, and how the love spreading is rolling along…

And I’ve done it all by myself.

I don’t want to change who I am. I don’t want to change how I write to hit a goal that comes with no guarantee. I don’t want to compare myself or my work with anybody else’s, I already realize I’m just a basic reflection of the same source as the rest of us.

I do, however, know that something in my life has to change. My moods are a bit of a worry lately. I’ve been saying less of how I feel and more of what I think people want to hear.

I know most of the best parts of me are 10 000 miles from here. I only have to suck up a few more weeks. Once my heart is placed back in its spot, we can reassess.




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