situational. watching out.

Namaste Blog Family

I love you. I haven’t said that enough lately – just thought I would remind you.

I’ve been reading a lot lately. This has me overjoyed because it means I must be getting better. It’s funny, I think a lot of people who experience depression have no idea that they actually are. I think there are a lot of misconceptions about it.

I’ve come to understand that for the past five years, I’ve been experiencing something known as “situational depression”. Some people with clinical depression have chemical imbalances that knock them around. And at other times, like with me, a traumatic life event sets it off.

Depression doesn’t mean you can’t function, it doesn’t even necessarily mean you feel sad all the time. I guess that’s how it snuck up on me. I function just fine. But when I look back over the last few years – some of my behaviors, things most people wouldn’t even notice – don’t align with standard Gretchen Cello style.

Not at all.

My ex-husband left me emotionally far before the courts declared us officially over. I asked my psychologist why I stayed in a situation as unhealthy as the one I was in, because that’s not like me at all. She said, “Because you wanted it to work.”

She’s right.

When I was in Australia, I could go weeks at a time with virtually no interaction with anyone (except the puppies, of course – who are booked for arrival September 2012). Today is Thursday. Over the past week, I have been visited by my mother, sister #2, cousin, and four of my favorite people on the planet – with another arriving tomorrow for a New York City Christmas sleepover – after I go out with one of my girls tonight for a mani/pedi session. And let’s not leave out the phone calls with two other sisters, father, brother from another mother and my mates in Australia just about every day – and Skype sessions with a fellow Artist in the UK.

Last night on the phone with one of my sisters in Melbourne a piece of our conversation was phrased, “How are you darling? You know we’re all still watching out for you…”

Something else I’ve learned from going to a psychologist is the idea of hindsight, 20/20 vision. Anyone can look back at certain instances or periods of life and say, “Really?” That’s what makes life, hey?

It also makes books.

People heal in different ways. A lot of people use the old, “Time heals all wounds” line. Writing is what heals my wounds. Writing and our love tribe. As a Healer myself, I need to be around people – I need to feel like I’m helping people. I spent too long getting stomped on and reacting to the stomping in rotten ways.

But I’m getting better. Furthermore, I’ve made significant progression designing a writing workshop for other people to attend who are interested in using the art of language ┬áto heal from the traumatic events life shoots at each of us sooner or later, it’s all part of the process – the game, if you will.

Forwards and upwards blog family! My knees are certainly skinned, but I am surrounded by a divine group of souls with boundless boxes of bandaids…


2 thoughts on “situational. watching out.

  1. Look down at your left knee….that’s right, there. See the gingham bandaid, with cherry coloured cowboys on the pattern? That one’s mine, my love, and it comes with a kiss X

    1. i knew that one was yours… you always stand out the prettiest darling. pretty soon my tear-crusty face will be completely back to normal, i just know it. x

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